I recently referred to the fact that I withdraw from my life and my friends when I'm depressed (here). What I didn't consider was the fact that because I can't/don't articulate that (irl), there is a real danger of some of those friends feeling neglected and abandoned without reason.
One of them called me on that this morning. An act that required courage and love.
She didn't understand why I stopped returning phone calls and didn't initiate any contact with her. Without an explanation (or a known cause) she put it down to me being thoughtless and hurtful. I can understand that completely.
It was a wake-up call for me. I was devastated to learn that I had inflicted pain on a person whom I care about. I was actually shocked to realise that I have been in such a "hole" that I didn't consider that losing contact with me would be considered a loss at all. I was not surprised to realise that I was not connecting cause and effect..... just saddened.
So..... to you, dear J, and to other friends on whom I'm inflicting neglect..... my deepest apologies. It's hard for me right now. Not an excuse.... but a reason.
I'm doing the best that I can.
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1 comment:
When you're depressed, you live in your own little world. It's hard to see or think outside that world. Even friends, who have known you for years and years, may find it difficult to understand. Helping and supporting you is not possible, if you don't let them know how you feel.
I hope you will find a way to open the door to the big scary world again.
I'll be thinking of you.
xxTrui
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