Dear Headmistress of Boo's school,
I was HORRIFIED to see that this weeks newsletter includes a poem which includes the word "brung". I have fought, and won, the battle over the use of that word in my home, and am disappointed that the school published it in a way that gives it authority in my children's eyes.
I do not think that it was included humorously. It certainly isn't funny to me.
I understand that some slang is now considered acceptable, but I draw the line at "brung" as it has a perfectly acceptable alternative of "brought". If "brought" doesn't fit the rhyme, then re-write the poem.
Sorry to jump on you about this, but I really am extremely disappointed. I would feel as strongly about the use of the word "youse", by the way.
Kind regards,
Fe
EDITED TO INCLUDE FOLLOWING CORRESPONDENCE...
Dear Fe,
Thank you for your email.
You do not need to be horrified by the use of the word "brung" in this context. Poetry is a literary device which can have different rules and conventions. It does not always need to conform to the usual rules of traditional grammar.
Our children are taught and generally understand this distinction , however, you can be assured that I will ask all the teachers to discuss this with the classes to reiterate that "brung" is not acceptable in speech or writing.
Regards,
Dear Headmistress of Boo's school (So sorry about mis-spelling your name)...
I wonder whether primary school children have the capacity to really grasp that concept. Still, as long as the distinction is made very clear within the classroom, and is followed up by the teachers, I will get down from my "horrified" horse and return to my stable.
Kind regards,
Fe
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Dear DH....
On Sunday 26 April, you telephoned me and asked me if you could keep the boys for a third night. I said no, as the boys and I had arrangements for the Monday morning, and so you asked to return the boys home early by 6.30pm. When I rang you at 8.30pm to ask you where they were, you told me that you had "forgotten" to return them to me. You told me that they were at your home, with you, and told me that they would stay overnight.
This was an obvious act of pretending to agree with me and then doing exactly what you wanted to anyway.
On Sunday May 10, you dropped the boys back home to me ONE HOUR EARLIER than was usual. Without notifying me in advance.
Tonight, Wednesday 20 May, you dropped the boys back home to me ONE HOUR EARLIER than is usual. Without notifying me in advance.
This behaviour is exactly in tune with your habit of leaving the country without notifying me, and lying to me in person and in affidavits, but.... worse than that... it is DANGEROUS for the boys. You didn't check to see if I was home. You just dropped them off and drove away without caring whether they were locked out, or left at home alone. This is unbelievable behaviour from a man who is claiming to want to spend more time with his children.
The boys told me that you have enrolled in an Acting Class which will take place every Wednesday evening. And that, because of that class, you intend to drop them home by 6.30pm every Wednesday. You have neither asked me nor informed me of this change to our arrangement.
They tell me that you have been studying acting for a while now. I notice that you did not include fees for acting classes on your financial statements either to the Family Court of Australia or to the Child Support Agency. You also omitted to declare the house, monies and shares that you inherited from your father's estate to the Child Support Agency, and the monies and shares to the Family Court.
I know I can't convince you to stop lying to me and to the authorities, but I hope that I CAN convince you to stop putting the children at risk by dropping them off at home earlier than arranged without ensuring that I am there to look after them.
I will expect them at 6.30pm on Wednesdays from now on. Any change to this arrangement must be made with ME, by email. It is unforgivable to expect the boys to let me know about this or any other change to our arrangements.
Fe.
This was an obvious act of pretending to agree with me and then doing exactly what you wanted to anyway.
On Sunday May 10, you dropped the boys back home to me ONE HOUR EARLIER than was usual. Without notifying me in advance.
Tonight, Wednesday 20 May, you dropped the boys back home to me ONE HOUR EARLIER than is usual. Without notifying me in advance.
This behaviour is exactly in tune with your habit of leaving the country without notifying me, and lying to me in person and in affidavits, but.... worse than that... it is DANGEROUS for the boys. You didn't check to see if I was home. You just dropped them off and drove away without caring whether they were locked out, or left at home alone. This is unbelievable behaviour from a man who is claiming to want to spend more time with his children.
The boys told me that you have enrolled in an Acting Class which will take place every Wednesday evening. And that, because of that class, you intend to drop them home by 6.30pm every Wednesday. You have neither asked me nor informed me of this change to our arrangement.
They tell me that you have been studying acting for a while now. I notice that you did not include fees for acting classes on your financial statements either to the Family Court of Australia or to the Child Support Agency. You also omitted to declare the house, monies and shares that you inherited from your father's estate to the Child Support Agency, and the monies and shares to the Family Court.
I know I can't convince you to stop lying to me and to the authorities, but I hope that I CAN convince you to stop putting the children at risk by dropping them off at home earlier than arranged without ensuring that I am there to look after them.
I will expect them at 6.30pm on Wednesdays from now on. Any change to this arrangement must be made with ME, by email. It is unforgivable to expect the boys to let me know about this or any other change to our arrangements.
Fe.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Primary School for Pilots.....
Toto has recently joined the Australian Air League. It is an organisation open to boys and girls from 8 years of age onwards who are passionate about flying as a career or as a hobby.
Toto has known that he wanted to be a pilot from the time that he could talk. In fact, his very first word, after Dadda and Mumma, was "ANE!" with finger pointed excitedly towards the sky. My Dad was a Navigator during WWII, and has encouraged Toto by allowing him to use his sophisticated Flight Simulator software from a very early age. Toto has enough simulated real-time flying hours under his belt to have his pilots' licence already!
One of the best things about the Air League for Toto is that it gives him an opportunity to actually have his pilots' licence before he is of age to get his drivers' licence. The Air League owns a flying school just outside Sydney where the Air League members can learn to fly for a fraction of the cost of non-members. At the Air League meetings, he will gain his Navigation and Aviation Theory certificates, as well as other qualifications required to gain his pilots' licence.
The Air League members are highly regarded by the Australian Air Force and the Qantas Pilot Cadet programme... both of which are notoriously difficult to get into. Toto has his heart set on entering the Qantas Cadet Programme when he finishes school.
Toto's Squadron (he's on the far left)Yesterday was a parade through Sydney to celebrate the 75th Anniversary of the Australian Air League. Toto belongs to the very first Air League Squadron, and was therefore marching at the front of the entire parade. I've got to say that I never EVER thought I'd see my child marching in uniform through the city, and I was pretty blase about the whole thing. Especially when I was up late the night before ironing and sewing patches on his uniform. The reality of the experience, and knowing how much it meant to him, changed all of that for me on the day.
They marched from Martin Place along George Street and then down to Tumbalong Park in Darling Harbour, where they stood on full Parade, in the blaring late Autumn sun, while the ceremonial aspects of the day were carried out.The Governor General of NSW, Marie Bashir, was there to hand out awards to Squadrons and individuals. It took a loooong time.
And proved to be too much for many of the children. Toto included.
Re-hydrating in the shade, before marching back out onto Parade.When the whole thing had finished, Toto and I had a celebratory late lunch in Chinatown before being picked up by the friend who was looking after Boo, and driven home. Exhausted. And very proud.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Shuffle * Click *...
Well... *gulp*.... I now have a new lawyer.
I met with her on Wednesday and really REALLY liked her. She was horrified with the manner in which my old lawyer had handled the case and could not see why he had allowed it to get this far and this ugly without beginning any type of negotiation whatsoever. Unless, of course, it was to help pay off his own mortgage.
She was SHOCKED that he would not let me be present during court mentions which involved decisions to be made by me. She told me to insist that I be present during the court mention on Thursday, as I needed him to postpone the next scheduled hearing date of 26 May. I telephoned him after my meeting with .... ummmm.... let's call her "Smart Girl".... and he simply refused to allow me to be present. He also told me that the scheduled hearing date had already been postponed by DH's lawyer. Apparently she had sent him a letter on April 28. Well.... this was now May 13 and HE HADN'T FORWARDED IT TO ME.
So with NO GUILT whatsoever, I authorised Smart Girl to send him a letter notifying him that I want her to represent me, and authorising him to forward all files (upon payment of final account).
Now the gritty hard work begins. Again. But I feel so much stronger knowing that I have a lawyer who's passionate and pissed off on my behalf.
Very empowering.
I met with her on Wednesday and really REALLY liked her. She was horrified with the manner in which my old lawyer had handled the case and could not see why he had allowed it to get this far and this ugly without beginning any type of negotiation whatsoever. Unless, of course, it was to help pay off his own mortgage.
She was SHOCKED that he would not let me be present during court mentions which involved decisions to be made by me. She told me to insist that I be present during the court mention on Thursday, as I needed him to postpone the next scheduled hearing date of 26 May. I telephoned him after my meeting with .... ummmm.... let's call her "Smart Girl".... and he simply refused to allow me to be present. He also told me that the scheduled hearing date had already been postponed by DH's lawyer. Apparently she had sent him a letter on April 28. Well.... this was now May 13 and HE HADN'T FORWARDED IT TO ME.
So with NO GUILT whatsoever, I authorised Smart Girl to send him a letter notifying him that I want her to represent me, and authorising him to forward all files (upon payment of final account).
Now the gritty hard work begins. Again. But I feel so much stronger knowing that I have a lawyer who's passionate and pissed off on my behalf.
Very empowering.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Aliens...
The following conversation took place tonight ONE HOUR before the boys usual bedtime... the time of night when we're rushing to finish homework, pack schoolbags, shower, brush teeth and make it into bed by 8.30pm.
Fe: "Toto..... have you had your shower yet?"
Toto: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe: "Boo.... What about you? Have you had your shower yet?"
Boo: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe: (calling out from the living room) "Where are you?"
Toto and Boo: "In bed!"
Fe: "Have you brushed your teeth?"
Toto and Boo: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe : "BOTH of you?!?"
Toto and Boo: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe: "Aaaauuurrrgggghhhh! Aliens have taken over my children! Are you my children or are you aliens?"
Toto and Boo: "Aliens!!" (Followed by me rushing in to remove the aliens and bring my boys back to life.)
Seriously.
Toto is now asleep and Boo is reading in bed.
Unbelievable.
Fe: "Toto..... have you had your shower yet?"
Toto: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe: "Boo.... What about you? Have you had your shower yet?"
Boo: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe: (calling out from the living room) "Where are you?"
Toto and Boo: "In bed!"
Fe: "Have you brushed your teeth?"
Toto and Boo: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe : "BOTH of you?!?"
Toto and Boo: "Yes Mummy!"
Fe: "Aaaauuurrrgggghhhh! Aliens have taken over my children! Are you my children or are you aliens?"
Toto and Boo: "Aliens!!" (Followed by me rushing in to remove the aliens and bring my boys back to life.)
Seriously.
Toto is now asleep and Boo is reading in bed.
Unbelievable.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Slow start... spectacular finish....
They bounced through the door at 7.40pm screaming "Mummy! We've missed you!!!" and both burst into tears. Which of course meant that I burst into tears too.
They then very enthusiastically gave me their pressies.... aromatherapy oils which they had carefully picked themselves and just beautiful cards with the most amazing declarations of love from such young boys.
They had asked DH if they could come home early to spend some time with me, but he took them to celebrate Mother's Day with his cousin instead. Both were miserable all day. I think seeing other kids hanging out with their own Mum on this day was very hard for them.
Apparently dinner was only watermelon, so both were starving.
So... *sigh* .... we all had a miserable day without each other but a wonderful slice of gooey-ickey love at the very end.
I so appreciate the good moments.
They then very enthusiastically gave me their pressies.... aromatherapy oils which they had carefully picked themselves and just beautiful cards with the most amazing declarations of love from such young boys.
They had asked DH if they could come home early to spend some time with me, but he took them to celebrate Mother's Day with his cousin instead. Both were miserable all day. I think seeing other kids hanging out with their own Mum on this day was very hard for them.
Apparently dinner was only watermelon, so both were starving.
So... *sigh* .... we all had a miserable day without each other but a wonderful slice of gooey-ickey love at the very end.
I so appreciate the good moments.
Thank you Lara....
... for this wonderful start to my sadly kid-free Mother's Day.
click here
Happy Mother's Day to ALL the women who care for children, animals and other loved ones.
And thank you to my darling anonymous friend (you and I know who you are) for the beautiful flowers. I am so lucky to have you on my side.
click here
Happy Mother's Day to ALL the women who care for children, animals and other loved ones.
And thank you to my darling anonymous friend (you and I know who you are) for the beautiful flowers. I am so lucky to have you on my side.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Other Woman....
I've been thinking about the fact that DH is using my depression to imply that I was responsible for the breakdown of our marriage (which is ridiculous considering Australia has no-fault divorce) and about how he has written the following in his Affidavit:
"I do not know and cannot admit why Fe suffered depression. To the best of my knowledge and belief Fe suffered depression associated with a condition known as hypothyroidism from 1995. I observed a progressive decline in Fe's ability to cope with her daily duties around the house leading up to the birth of Toto. After the birth of Toto Fe's symptoms did not improve. I observed that Fe's mood swings worsened. She would be normal one minute then outraged and aggressive the next. Fe was diagnosed with post partum depression in July 1997. I recall during the first few months of 1998 when I arrived home Fe would seek me out in the house and start a conversation. Frequently these conversations would develop into an argument and she would become aggressive and violent. On several occasions Fe physically attacked me. I now understand that Fe has continued with the regular care of a psychiatrist and has continued to take anti-depressant medication notwithstanding that we have been separation for over ten years."
This is not the worst paragraph in that particular Affidavit, but it's the one which has made me think about the circumstances of the end of a marriage.
I have to state here, quite categorically, that I have never attacked DH. Oh how I regret that now. I pushed him in the chest with open palms once in absolute fury, but "attacked" him? No.
I also want to state that in the early weeks after Toto was born, DH used to come into the house after a hard day of not working, sit on the sofa .. find me still in my dressing gown trying to settle my very unsettled baby and say "What's for dinner?". When I told him that I had not been to the shops and had not thought about dinner, he would roll his eyes and say "Well, what have you been doing all day?".
So, yes. We had arguments.
The main ones though... the ones that occurred in the early months of 1998... were about his affair.
A bit of background..... I was running a "Healing Centre" in the front part of our large house. 5 different Practitioners and I shared the practice rooms. It was a full time job simply managing the Centre and the Practitioners, and I had my own Counselling Practice as well. I was working up to the day I went into labour with Toto. My Mum and my sister-in-law helped me enormously with the Centre in the few weeks after Toto's birth, but I was soon back to full-time practice whilst rushing out the back between clients to either breast-feed Toto, or express milk. My Mum was caring for him on the days that I worked.
DH was studying Naturopathy at that time, as well as supposedly doing some plumbing work. He also saw some clients as a Masseur.
Isabel (oh yes I'm using her real name here) was an air stewardess who came to DH for massages. She became a friend of DH's, and would be invited out the back to see Toto and to chat with me.
Her schedule changed, and she asked DH to go to her house to massage her on Thursday evenings. We needed the money, and I trusted DH implicitly, so had no problem with this. He began to come home later and later... usually stoned. This, of course, WAS a problem with me.
I tried to discuss it with DH, but it was a "no go" area for him. His response to my questions was to call me paranoid, become incredibly insulted, drive away from the house, turn off his mobile phone, and not return for 2 or 3 days.
The massages continued.
When we found out that I was pregnant again, I asked him to stop massaging Isabel. He also had rugby training two nights a week and played poker with his "mates" on Wednesday. I needed more support with Toto during the evening. I was still working and was totally and utterly exhausted. (And, no, he did not behave like this during our courtship - or I obviously would not have married him. He didn't behave like this in the five years of marriage preceding children either - or I would not have had children with him.)
He wouldn't stop anything. He was defensive and turned everything into MY problem.
He left on January 11, 1998 (edited to correct the year... sorry) (details of which have been posted here).
We attempted a reconciliation in late February. He was invited to move back into the house while Toto and I were away for the weekend with my Mum. When my Mum and I returned home, DH wasn't there, but there was a very loving and intimate message on the answering machine from Isabel. There was no doubt that he was involved sexually with her.
He came home. Denied it. Became outraged. Disappeared for 3 days. Usual behaviour. Kept denying it.
There were no more attempted reconciliations.
A couple of years later, in a friendly patch, I asked him how long his relationship with Isabel had lasted. He told me that it had begun when he first went to her house on Thursday evenings but had not survived the phone message that she had left on my answering machine. I was shocked. I told him that he had never admitted it to me before. He responded with "Oh .. you always knew!". I asked him why he had denied it so strenuously and he said "I knew how upset you would have been about it. I was trying to protect you."
Seriously.
Christ.
Now, go back and re-read that paragraph from his affidavit.
"I do not know and cannot admit why Fe suffered depression. To the best of my knowledge and belief Fe suffered depression associated with a condition known as hypothyroidism from 1995. I observed a progressive decline in Fe's ability to cope with her daily duties around the house leading up to the birth of Toto. After the birth of Toto Fe's symptoms did not improve. I observed that Fe's mood swings worsened. She would be normal one minute then outraged and aggressive the next. Fe was diagnosed with post partum depression in July 1997. I recall during the first few months of 1998 when I arrived home Fe would seek me out in the house and start a conversation. Frequently these conversations would develop into an argument and she would become aggressive and violent. On several occasions Fe physically attacked me. I now understand that Fe has continued with the regular care of a psychiatrist and has continued to take anti-depressant medication notwithstanding that we have been separation for over ten years."
This is not the worst paragraph in that particular Affidavit, but it's the one which has made me think about the circumstances of the end of a marriage.
I have to state here, quite categorically, that I have never attacked DH. Oh how I regret that now. I pushed him in the chest with open palms once in absolute fury, but "attacked" him? No.
I also want to state that in the early weeks after Toto was born, DH used to come into the house after a hard day of not working, sit on the sofa .. find me still in my dressing gown trying to settle my very unsettled baby and say "What's for dinner?". When I told him that I had not been to the shops and had not thought about dinner, he would roll his eyes and say "Well, what have you been doing all day?".
So, yes. We had arguments.
The main ones though... the ones that occurred in the early months of 1998... were about his affair.
A bit of background..... I was running a "Healing Centre" in the front part of our large house. 5 different Practitioners and I shared the practice rooms. It was a full time job simply managing the Centre and the Practitioners, and I had my own Counselling Practice as well. I was working up to the day I went into labour with Toto. My Mum and my sister-in-law helped me enormously with the Centre in the few weeks after Toto's birth, but I was soon back to full-time practice whilst rushing out the back between clients to either breast-feed Toto, or express milk. My Mum was caring for him on the days that I worked.
DH was studying Naturopathy at that time, as well as supposedly doing some plumbing work. He also saw some clients as a Masseur.
Isabel (oh yes I'm using her real name here) was an air stewardess who came to DH for massages. She became a friend of DH's, and would be invited out the back to see Toto and to chat with me.
Her schedule changed, and she asked DH to go to her house to massage her on Thursday evenings. We needed the money, and I trusted DH implicitly, so had no problem with this. He began to come home later and later... usually stoned. This, of course, WAS a problem with me.
I tried to discuss it with DH, but it was a "no go" area for him. His response to my questions was to call me paranoid, become incredibly insulted, drive away from the house, turn off his mobile phone, and not return for 2 or 3 days.
The massages continued.
When we found out that I was pregnant again, I asked him to stop massaging Isabel. He also had rugby training two nights a week and played poker with his "mates" on Wednesday. I needed more support with Toto during the evening. I was still working and was totally and utterly exhausted. (And, no, he did not behave like this during our courtship - or I obviously would not have married him. He didn't behave like this in the five years of marriage preceding children either - or I would not have had children with him.)
He wouldn't stop anything. He was defensive and turned everything into MY problem.
He left on January 11, 1998 (edited to correct the year... sorry) (details of which have been posted here).
We attempted a reconciliation in late February. He was invited to move back into the house while Toto and I were away for the weekend with my Mum. When my Mum and I returned home, DH wasn't there, but there was a very loving and intimate message on the answering machine from Isabel. There was no doubt that he was involved sexually with her.
He came home. Denied it. Became outraged. Disappeared for 3 days. Usual behaviour. Kept denying it.
There were no more attempted reconciliations.
A couple of years later, in a friendly patch, I asked him how long his relationship with Isabel had lasted. He told me that it had begun when he first went to her house on Thursday evenings but had not survived the phone message that she had left on my answering machine. I was shocked. I told him that he had never admitted it to me before. He responded with "Oh .. you always knew!". I asked him why he had denied it so strenuously and he said "I knew how upset you would have been about it. I was trying to protect you."
Seriously.
Christ.
Now, go back and re-read that paragraph from his affidavit.
New Lawyer...
A close family friend of my parents' spoke to her daughter about my situation. Her daughter, as it turns out, has been a Barristers' Clerk for 25 years and really knows who is who within the Sydney legal fraternity.
She used to send a lot of work DH's lawyers' way, until she began to be too expensive, too aggressive and too arrogant. She told me that DH's lawyer requires $20,000.00 upfront before she will take your case. If DH's financial statement is true, there is no way he could have afforded that. More lies.
She reacted to my story pretty much as most of you have. She said that I needed a new lawyer as I felt that he wasn't "leading" my case. She was shocked at the lack of pro-active steps taken by my lawyer (we seem to only be responding to DH's lawyer - waiting to see how they are leading the case instead of trying to negotiate and outrageously refute his allegations towards me).
And she said that she knows the lawyer just right for me in this situation.
20 minutes later, I was on the phone to my potential new lawyer. And *OH* what a difference just in style of communicating! She said "bastard!" in all the right places (regarding DH), asked for details steps of the case and was quite shocked at the lack of action taken. She was reassuring and calming and said that she knew DH's lawyer well and that her (DH's lawyer) attitude will change once she (DH's lawyer) knows she (my potential new lawyer) is on the case (*phew* - I'm going to have to give them code names!!).
Anyway... the main thing was that she sounded outraged at what I'm being put through by a lawyer (DH's) who is known to be aggressive and bullying and unwilling to negotiate. She also likes to drag things out so that she can justify her $20,000 minimum fee. The impression that I'm getting is that my current lawyer is not "ball-sy" enough to face up to her. My potential new lawyer, however, says that she is. And she's passionate about it.
I'm seeing her next week. The kids are seeing their own lawyer - for the very first time - this afternoon. And we've got a mention in front of the Registrar on Friday morning.
And I'm feeling slightly lighter. As though somebody with the tools and knowledge that I need to access is on my side.
Oh, I still haven't heard back from my current lawyer. I've left him 2 phone messages and sent him 2 emails full of questions. The last thing he wrote to me was "I await your instructions".... without giving me a single idea as to what those instructions could or should be. Those instructions will now probably be "Send my file to ....".
She used to send a lot of work DH's lawyers' way, until she began to be too expensive, too aggressive and too arrogant. She told me that DH's lawyer requires $20,000.00 upfront before she will take your case. If DH's financial statement is true, there is no way he could have afforded that. More lies.
She reacted to my story pretty much as most of you have. She said that I needed a new lawyer as I felt that he wasn't "leading" my case. She was shocked at the lack of pro-active steps taken by my lawyer (we seem to only be responding to DH's lawyer - waiting to see how they are leading the case instead of trying to negotiate and outrageously refute his allegations towards me).
And she said that she knows the lawyer just right for me in this situation.
20 minutes later, I was on the phone to my potential new lawyer. And *OH* what a difference just in style of communicating! She said "bastard!" in all the right places (regarding DH), asked for details steps of the case and was quite shocked at the lack of action taken. She was reassuring and calming and said that she knew DH's lawyer well and that her (DH's lawyer) attitude will change once she (DH's lawyer) knows she (my potential new lawyer) is on the case (*phew* - I'm going to have to give them code names!!).
Anyway... the main thing was that she sounded outraged at what I'm being put through by a lawyer (DH's) who is known to be aggressive and bullying and unwilling to negotiate. She also likes to drag things out so that she can justify her $20,000 minimum fee. The impression that I'm getting is that my current lawyer is not "ball-sy" enough to face up to her. My potential new lawyer, however, says that she is. And she's passionate about it.
I'm seeing her next week. The kids are seeing their own lawyer - for the very first time - this afternoon. And we've got a mention in front of the Registrar on Friday morning.
And I'm feeling slightly lighter. As though somebody with the tools and knowledge that I need to access is on my side.
Oh, I still haven't heard back from my current lawyer. I've left him 2 phone messages and sent him 2 emails full of questions. The last thing he wrote to me was "I await your instructions".... without giving me a single idea as to what those instructions could or should be. Those instructions will now probably be "Send my file to ....".
Monday, May 4, 2009
Great news... not....
Today my mum told me a story about the daughter of a friend of hers.
She was in a very similar situation to me. She had supported her husband financially throughout their marriage and she had bought the marital home with no financial support from her husband.
Her husband left her when she was pregnant with their first child.
And took her to Family Court for a Financial Settlement.
Because she had been a professional with a high earning potential before becoming a single mother, and he had been a tradie with a lower income (just like me and DH)..... he ended up getting the entire house and she had to pay him child support for the 4 nights a fortnight when he cared for their child. Even though she had no income other than her pension.
Yeah, I know. Just another sorry tale about the injustices dished out by the Family Court.
Except that the point of this story is that that man's lawyer was the same one that DH is using.
She probably wore the mother out. She probably kept on going until there was no energy or money or sanity left.
How can any part of society not see that pregnant women, and mothers of young children, are vulnerable when it comes to being traumatised by the use of money and litigation as a weapon against them? How can any part of society not allocate rights to those women regardless of their ability to pay for hot-shot barristers or aggressive lawyers?
THIS mother of young children is barely coping with the process now. I literally did NOT cope with the process when I was pregnant with my second child and responding to DH's applications to the Family Court. And the fact that I fell apart then is being used against me now. I am being labelled "emotionally and mentally unstable" because of my reaction to the manner in which he left me and his resulting litigiousness during my pregnancy.
It was a RESULT. Not a CAUSE. DH is using it as justification as to why our marriage broke down. And now he's using it as evidence that I'm obviously lying while he's obviously telling the truth.
She was in a very similar situation to me. She had supported her husband financially throughout their marriage and she had bought the marital home with no financial support from her husband.
Her husband left her when she was pregnant with their first child.
And took her to Family Court for a Financial Settlement.
Because she had been a professional with a high earning potential before becoming a single mother, and he had been a tradie with a lower income (just like me and DH)..... he ended up getting the entire house and she had to pay him child support for the 4 nights a fortnight when he cared for their child. Even though she had no income other than her pension.
Yeah, I know. Just another sorry tale about the injustices dished out by the Family Court.
Except that the point of this story is that that man's lawyer was the same one that DH is using.
She probably wore the mother out. She probably kept on going until there was no energy or money or sanity left.
How can any part of society not see that pregnant women, and mothers of young children, are vulnerable when it comes to being traumatised by the use of money and litigation as a weapon against them? How can any part of society not allocate rights to those women regardless of their ability to pay for hot-shot barristers or aggressive lawyers?
THIS mother of young children is barely coping with the process now. I literally did NOT cope with the process when I was pregnant with my second child and responding to DH's applications to the Family Court. And the fact that I fell apart then is being used against me now. I am being labelled "emotionally and mentally unstable" because of my reaction to the manner in which he left me and his resulting litigiousness during my pregnancy.
It was a RESULT. Not a CAUSE. DH is using it as justification as to why our marriage broke down. And now he's using it as evidence that I'm obviously lying while he's obviously telling the truth.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Justice...
or "injustice".
Frustration isn't a strong enough word. I'm incredibly angry and sad and wildly frustrated with the situation that I find myself in.
I'm doing all of the right things.
I've done all of the right things for the past 11 years.
And yet DH lies and manipulates and submits more applications for orders to the Family Court and although I can clearly see how outrageous his submissions are, I have to spend thousands of hours and dollars trying to prove him wrong.
And even then it might not be enough.
I can see why people give up. I can see why respondent mothers lose their kids, and why respondent good fathers surrender to not seeing their kids. The system protects nobody, except divorced litigious fathers, right now. The Family Court system is shrouded in secrecy and has been since it began. Nobody is allowed to know the details and outcomes of cases which have been through the court. And without this information, people like you and me continue to believe that the system is fair and just. Until we have to live it for ourselves.
DH has declared his half ownership in the house. It has just been sold, and between that and "other investments" that he's inherited, he will be over $300,000.00 richer in June. Never mind that. He still can't afford to pay his debt to me. Any of it. And his reasons why are both ridiculous and insulting and outrageous.
Just to give you a hint of what I'm putting up with.... the first paragraph of his Affidavit attached to an Application to remove all Spousal Maintenance (NOT about custody).... states that he considers that I am mentally unstable and refers to my stint in the Psychiatric Hospital with PND in 1998 as evidence of this. And it gets worse from there.
I feel as though my lawyer has given up. It's as though he's realised that DH isn't going to settle or to go-away, and that from here on in it's going to get nasty and cost the big bucks (which he knows I don't have). He's not volunteering any information or advice to me. He's asking for my instructions. I have "instructed" him to advise me as to what my next step should be.
For all these years, the legal fraternity has told me that the only thing stopping me being able to enforce the payment of the debt was my not being able to prove that he had the money to repay it. Well, he has now. He's even admitted it. Yet, apparently, according to my lawyer, this means very little.
I'm guessing that he's half believing the ridiculous lies in DH's statement, or at least considering that a Judicial Registrar may have trouble getting past them, and therefore thinking that he is on a sinking ship.
The stress that I'm under is insane. Surely I should have an opportunity to point out that, YES, I suffer from depression BECAUSE of how DH has treated me and my children over the years. YES I suffered from severe, hospital-needing PND, BECAUSE of how DH treated me during my pregnancy and because I was going through Family Court during that pregnancy. And YES, I am less able to cope with the stress of his litigiousness through the Family Court now and I think he knows that all too well. He is applying for shared parenting to remove all future financial obligations to me and the boys, closely followed by removing a debt which is OWED. He SIGNED a court order saying that he would pay for spousal maintenance as Boo wasn't born and therefore could not be on the order for Child Support. He signed the court order to pay for our Health Insurance, which he cancelled 6 years later without telling me. He signed the court order to support me while I was on my own with two babies under 16 months. And he simply didn't pay. Any of it. And now he simply wants it to go away.
But that reasoning isn't "legal-ese" and is "too emotional" for an affidavit.
I'm going truly crazy.
There was a rally in all major capital cities in Australia today. It's main focus was on getting the Family Court to pay attention to the children and to stop allowing abusing parents (predominantly fathers) unsupervised access to their kids. It's about reversing the assumption that "shared care" is the ideal parenting arrangement in EVERY situation.
I didn't attend. I had the boys and didn't want all of us to wear the red hoods to distinguish us as people who are currently going through the Family Law Courts, as well as to cover our faces and protect our identities from the press.
I feel sick about not being there. I'm SO desperate for change, and can't even manage to get to a rally.
I guess that's just a part of depression.
Frustration isn't a strong enough word. I'm incredibly angry and sad and wildly frustrated with the situation that I find myself in.
I'm doing all of the right things.
I've done all of the right things for the past 11 years.
And yet DH lies and manipulates and submits more applications for orders to the Family Court and although I can clearly see how outrageous his submissions are, I have to spend thousands of hours and dollars trying to prove him wrong.
And even then it might not be enough.
I can see why people give up. I can see why respondent mothers lose their kids, and why respondent good fathers surrender to not seeing their kids. The system protects nobody, except divorced litigious fathers, right now. The Family Court system is shrouded in secrecy and has been since it began. Nobody is allowed to know the details and outcomes of cases which have been through the court. And without this information, people like you and me continue to believe that the system is fair and just. Until we have to live it for ourselves.
DH has declared his half ownership in the house. It has just been sold, and between that and "other investments" that he's inherited, he will be over $300,000.00 richer in June. Never mind that. He still can't afford to pay his debt to me. Any of it. And his reasons why are both ridiculous and insulting and outrageous.
Just to give you a hint of what I'm putting up with.... the first paragraph of his Affidavit attached to an Application to remove all Spousal Maintenance (NOT about custody).... states that he considers that I am mentally unstable and refers to my stint in the Psychiatric Hospital with PND in 1998 as evidence of this. And it gets worse from there.
I feel as though my lawyer has given up. It's as though he's realised that DH isn't going to settle or to go-away, and that from here on in it's going to get nasty and cost the big bucks (which he knows I don't have). He's not volunteering any information or advice to me. He's asking for my instructions. I have "instructed" him to advise me as to what my next step should be.
For all these years, the legal fraternity has told me that the only thing stopping me being able to enforce the payment of the debt was my not being able to prove that he had the money to repay it. Well, he has now. He's even admitted it. Yet, apparently, according to my lawyer, this means very little.
I'm guessing that he's half believing the ridiculous lies in DH's statement, or at least considering that a Judicial Registrar may have trouble getting past them, and therefore thinking that he is on a sinking ship.
The stress that I'm under is insane. Surely I should have an opportunity to point out that, YES, I suffer from depression BECAUSE of how DH has treated me and my children over the years. YES I suffered from severe, hospital-needing PND, BECAUSE of how DH treated me during my pregnancy and because I was going through Family Court during that pregnancy. And YES, I am less able to cope with the stress of his litigiousness through the Family Court now and I think he knows that all too well. He is applying for shared parenting to remove all future financial obligations to me and the boys, closely followed by removing a debt which is OWED. He SIGNED a court order saying that he would pay for spousal maintenance as Boo wasn't born and therefore could not be on the order for Child Support. He signed the court order to pay for our Health Insurance, which he cancelled 6 years later without telling me. He signed the court order to support me while I was on my own with two babies under 16 months. And he simply didn't pay. Any of it. And now he simply wants it to go away.
But that reasoning isn't "legal-ese" and is "too emotional" for an affidavit.
I'm going truly crazy.
There was a rally in all major capital cities in Australia today. It's main focus was on getting the Family Court to pay attention to the children and to stop allowing abusing parents (predominantly fathers) unsupervised access to their kids. It's about reversing the assumption that "shared care" is the ideal parenting arrangement in EVERY situation.
I didn't attend. I had the boys and didn't want all of us to wear the red hoods to distinguish us as people who are currently going through the Family Law Courts, as well as to cover our faces and protect our identities from the press.
I feel sick about not being there. I'm SO desperate for change, and can't even manage to get to a rally.
I guess that's just a part of depression.
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