... and I'm trying SO hard to make this a learning experience rather than spiraling downwards and sitting in the corner in a fetal position screaming and rocking and pulling my own hair out.
We walked out of the Mediation with an agreement. Both sides agreed to what was written down during the meeting. The next step... transferring the agreement to a court document and lodging it with the court.... was meant to be a formality only.
Until this afternoon.
SmartGirl received a letter from DH's lawyer saying that he was not going to sign the document unless he received an extra 3 nights a fortnight.
WTF?
I only agreed to the extra 1 night in order to expedite the end of this trauma for the boys and to allow them to rest assured that their parents had been able to come to an agreement.
And now this.
We're stuck.
It will probably have to go to a judge now.
And who knows what the outcome will be.
I simply CANNOT believe that DH has done this! He just KEEPS damaging our children intentionally. It is too much for me to take in. Surely this is an example of his total and utter lack of concern for their welfare?
I'm not going to tell the boys anything about this at all. I guess they'll resent me for this if the outcome is unfavourable, but I simply cannot put them through any more of this.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
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20 comments:
OK, we all knew he was a total fuckwit, but this is just too much. I. Don't. Have. The. Words.
I'm so sorry, Fe. It is incomprehensible that he could be such a complete and utter bastard to his kids. I agree don't tell them anything at this stage, at least let them ride the releif of the agreement for now. Hang in there, love. We're here for you. xoxo
When will he stop? What a f***ng stupid man! Hang in there, Fe, maybe you have the best judge in the whole world... Love, Anne
And some more from me. IMO, this is when you "negotiate" it back to : DH gets to see them only if/when they decide they want to see him. And he manages to convince you, the courts and whoever else cares to be interested that he will no longer submit them to emotional abuse, criminal neglect and endangerment, etc...
Oh Fe, I don't know what to say (except a chain of swear words and curses directed at DH). This man is so bloody infuriating! Why agree in mediation, only to walk out and disagree???
When is the earth going to just open up and swallow him whole.
xoxox
The man is a sorry waste of carbon atoms.
Where's that bus when you need it, eh?
Hugs.
WTF??
How can he pull this sort of crap?
I can't believe a judge will not be able to see that this shows complete disregard for the children's needs. I hope that the judge has at least half a brain.
xx
OMFG. WTF?!
I am shaking my head in utter disbelief. Fe, I don't even know what to say.
Offer him an all-expenses-paid trip to New Hampshire, USA. Tell him I'll meet him at the airport. Buy him a one-way ticket, because he won't be coming back.
Holy fucking shit. I am in shock, so I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling.
I'm so sorry, Fe. So sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It's so incredibly unfair.
Just when you thought things were getting better....
I hope DH comes to his senses...quickly!
Thank you SOOOOOO much everyone.
Lovely lovely SmartGirl rang me last night to check that I was okay. Isn't that amazing for a lawyer? She is NOT giving up on having this settled without the extra nights. And she's going to use the fact that he intentionally waited until the ICL (Independent Children's Lawyer) was out of the equation before mentioning the extra nights to hopefully persuade the judge, if necessary. Well, the barrister will.
It was hard not to cry about it in front of the boys last night. Especially as they were freaking out about going to DH's this weekend.
I have to believe that we will be okay... however this turns out. The boys will soon be of an age where they can decide upon what they want REGARDLESS of any court orders. Well, in a year or so Toto will be.
xoxoxo
Well that just blows big meaty chunks doesn't it.
BUT!
Maybe - in going before a judge - the report from the court's counsellor that was pretty much ignored in mediation will take more prominence and he might lose out completely!
Also - have you heard of Crucial Conversations? It's a book/training program and there's one for conflict/confrontation situations and I think there might even be resources in there for kids.
The website (http://www.vitalsmarts.com/default.aspx?zid=2) seems far more focused on the training stuff (and the US) but I can HIGHLY recommend the books.
I don't want you to tell you how to suck eggs or diminish what an arsehole he clearly is, or even try to give the impression that a book could solve any of it, but it may give you some new/renewed strategies to handle it and to also provide the kids with some strategies of talking to their dad about what is going on.
OH, and what Mark said.
bollocky bollocks. Thats tough news and he is an arsehole. go smart girl go!
oh fe, i'm so sorry. i've just caught up on all the back and forths of the last months, and it was seeming so much more hopeful. let's hope it keeps on going towards what is best for the boys, no matter what gets thrown into the works.
Un-fricking-believable! I sure hope there is some way that Smart Girl can make him stick to the agreement. Isn't there anything binding about the agreement prior to it being lodged with the court? Doesn't this prove to even the most idiotic member of any court that he dos not have the boys interests at heart and is a sneaky, devious ratbastard?
Grrrrrr - and ditto to all other comments. I am so sorry to hear this - I can only imagine your frustration and distress - I now officially just fail to understand some people - DH is the supreme %$#^%%$#.
As always hang in there, we are here for you - J xox
PS: I am glad you have Smart Girl
Unbelievable firckin unbelievable,
He is a self serving, inconsiderate, gormless, lacklustre, less than ordinary man ( I use the term very loosely) oxygen thief.
Maintain the faith eyes on the prize
OMG, he truly is probably the biggest D*&^^%khead I have ever heard of... How can someone be SO insensitive to his OWN children's needs and be such a selfish blablabla...?? Incredible.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am thinking of you and am hugging you virtually!
I am catching up - three extra nites - may as well say fly to the moon - or over my dead body .... cause it ain't happening ...
I like mark's idea and of course Jeff is on the RIGHT track ...
Oh fe - this is a living nightmare - if MIC ever turns nuts on me I will run him over with the car and do 12 years rather than risk this kind of ongoing emotional trauma ... le xox
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