- It would NOT be in the best interests of the boys to change the current living arrangements
- DH's relationship with the boys will deteriorate dramatically if he continues the legal action
- Both boys STRONGLY do not want to change the current living arrangements
.... DH is continuing with the legal action.
Never mind that, in the counselling session, he agreed to work out a parenting plan with the counsellor and me.
Never mind that he knows that this stuff is damaging our children in ways which we may never ever know.
I'm SO pissed off. And I'm pissed off with myself for believing YET AGAIN that he could possibly put the children's needs before his own. And I'm shattered and horrified by the devastation that will cause my boys. They have been different children since being told that there was every chance that the legal stuff would stop.
And I think I was right to tell them that. After all, DH did agree to it. I even questioned his agreeing to it and he emphasised that he would do it.
I knew that we still had a road to go to actually work out a parenting plan... but it would be nothing compared to the road we're on which ultimately leads to a Judicial Registrar deciding what's best for our children based upon whose lawyer is best able to articulate, instead of listening to what is actually best for the boys.
Now it's about the children seeing their own lawyer and then all 3 lawyers battling it out. And if we don't come to an agreement, then it's up to the Judicial Registrar. Oh, and the Counsellor's report may or may not be taken into account by the Judicial Registrar. It's up to them.
The boys' have an appointment with their lawyer this Thursday. They're with DH all this week. Which means that I won't see them before then. I can call them on their mobile phones, but DH always stays nearby and they are uncomfortable talking to me that way. Still, knowing how intimidated they are by him, I will call them before their appointment just to tell them to stick to their truths and to say the same things that they said to the Counsellor. Just pray that their phones are on and within range.
I spoke to my lawyer today, and he said that DH's lawyer was encouraging DH to battle this out. My lawyer ran into her at Court today, and apparently she told him to tell his client (me) to reach a compromise.
Oh, and that they were attaching NEW orders to get rid of the Spousal Maintenance. He's never paid a cent of that anyway. Not ONE cent. I'm happy to get rid of that. I just wish I could use it as leverage to get him to LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE.
Sorry for the rant.
I'm just so incredibly pissed off.
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20 comments:
oh the pain you feel. I could go on but I think that sums it up. Who knew that the men we married would change into monsters. I'll pray for you and yours. To me those who demand their rights when it takes the rights of others away. Deserves none. Even to this day I can't write about it fluently. My thoughts cringe with pain. We really are fine now.
Oh Rita. ((((( HUG ))))) I hate it that you've been through this too. And I'm so glad that you're fine now.
The stress that this causes just trying to protect our kids is unspeakably cruel. And then there's the stress on us.
My Dad said something today about wishing I hadn't ever married DH, and my immediate response was "But those boys! I can't regret it because I had to have those exact boys". He agreed.
I guess that sums it up. It's the yin and the yan. We got our beautiful children but have to pay a very high price for the genes.
I'm sorry, Fe, for you and your boys. Just know that you have my support from here in my far, far away corner of the world. And my prayer to a certain someone that DH gets the nasty flu that you had last week and it kills him. (Oops, didn't mean to type that, where's my delete key^H*!%??)
Jeff
Oh Fe. I had so hoped that he would stick to his word. So many expletives I would like to use here.
I'm so, so sorry that you and the boys are having to go through this. I am still puzzled by what he thinks he will gain out of this, In the end, the boys will see things through adult eyes and I doubt they will think kindly of him.
You have to wonder how that lawyer can live with herself,
xxx
Thanks Jeff. It helps. A lot.
And although I really couldn't wish harm upon the father of my children, I can certainly wish the flu upon him with no guilt whatsoever.
Even nastier than my flu.
Did I ever tell you that he was in Bali both times there were bomb explosions that killed many Australians? I couldn't believe that. Twice. He's obviously un-harmable. I must be working off some awful karma from a previous life.
Thanks Ali. Me too. The thing is, I don't want the boys to think badly of him. I want them to to be protected from this sh*t. That's a big part of why this is just so awful.
I know that the way he's pursuing this will ensure that the boys thinks less of him though. Awful.
It's interesting how things play out over time. My x has always played the victim. After my daughter turned 21 and she could not longer sue him for what he was responsible to do he built a half a million $ house. Every time he opens his mouth now to play "poor me" she lets him have it in the same way that he did her as she was growing up. He is old now. She scares him. =) He knows he was wrong and still does many things to deliberately hurt her and yet when the opportunity arises she lets him have it back simply with straight forward facts. She has been a joy to raise just like your boys will be.
Rita
teach4life1@gmail.com
How ridiculous.
I'm speechless. I can't beleive how someone can be so stupid, and can have such a stupid lawyer too. ARRGGGHHH!
Big hugs in person next week, OK?
Sorry : (
I understand that you don't want your kids having a bad view of their father. I admire you for that. But I don't think this is a case of a man who's an asshole husband but lovely father. He's an asshole to you AND the kids.
I'm not saying you should go on anti-husband rants in front of your kids. But I don't think you need to work hard to try to push the image of this guy as being a good father. He's not. I don't think there's any way to fool your kids into believing it.
I do understand the conversation you had with your dad. How COULD you ever regret getting together with your asshole husband? He gave you two wonderful children. At least, he was good for something. Now if he'd only just disappear.....
UN-F*%^#ING-BELIEVABLE!!!
I am gobsmacked once again by DH's tenacity. He is way worse than a dog with a bone (and obviously so is his lawyer - but then there is money to be made)!
((((Big Hugs))))
Sorry, Fe. Totally fu#$&! up. I agree with Dina, too. He's not a good person. Better the boys know you think so, too.
I don't blame you. I'd be feeling more than pissed off. I have a very dear feiwnd who is travelling this road too, and I get so angry on her behalf. Can these men not SEE what they are doing? Clueless, just clueless.
Oh drat! He is a complete ratfink! There, that is my non-swearing response. You can substitute the real words in my head; I'm sure you can guess them. This has got to be a complete control thing. I can't think of any other reason for him to continue with this. If his lawyer is egging him on, she should be ashamed. To put the boys through this all is contemptible. Hang in, sweetie!
oh Fe fe what a suprise - NOT ...lepards don't change their spots and he is a loser thru and thru.
To me it seems his ultimate goal is to destroy your happiness using whatever is close to you.
It is all one big point score to him - my love to you le xoxxo
hate that roller-coaster of getting your hopes up, then back into the frustration. What a lousy system that encourages more pain. Lawyers should be fighting for the family, not for money. Wish there was someway to change it. Hugs.
Maybe it's good the boys will be getting their own lawyer. I mean, they're intimidated, frustrated, scared and worried....it might be good for them to have a voice of their own in the form of a legal representative. You might even find it puts them more at ease? At least, God I hope so.
I know this doesn't account for much right now, but those kids adore you and you're a great Mom. When this is all hashed out, it's going to end in your favour. DH is going to get his.
Karma is a magical thing.
I cant imagine how you will ever work out a parenting plan - he is not a parent for starters
He is not putting the kids first in any of this, its all him, and how hard done by he is, men like him are eternal children, they cannot take responsiblity, and get selfishly put out when the focus is off them after you have children. They can't handle the "competition" of a child, as it means they are no longer the sole focus of your life.
I am sure he has charmed his lawyer into thinking he deserves something, again, like a child who puts on their best behaviour to get what they want.
good luck Fe.
I can only echo good luck continuing the process to right what is wrong so very wrong.
The system is so unfair - no wonder you are p*ssed off. What a selfish prig.
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