The kind of family that you get to choose...

My boys and I have a ritual which we've recognised for the last 5 years, at least. Every second Friday night we have dinner with some very dear friends. The kids are more like siblings than friends, and we are incredibly lucky to feel like each others' extended family. The kind you get to choose.

Tonight was cold and raining. Still.....







.... we all came home feeling nurtured and loved.

Why are so many people scared to discuss politics?

It amazes me. The unwillingness of some people to have intelligent conversations about politics without reverting to name calling and insults.

In my humble opinion, the '08 US election is one of the most exciting in my living memory. SO much is at stake. And the excitement of having a non-patriachal-white-male in the running heralds the possibility of a significant change in the social structure of power in that country.

We all know that the media is usually on one side or another, and that it's impossible for one human being (with kids, jobs, families etc) to find out every single relevant detail about either party or candidate. So... doesn't that leave healthy discussion as a forum for learning and growth?

No. Apparently not.

Over on Dooce today, Heather posted her political opinion. This is a HUGELY read website, usually focussed on mothering, partnering and the conundrum of being an ex-morman living in Utah. The majority of the 1100+ responses that have so far been generated are positive. Almost blindly so. The minority are scathing and defensive and nasty. But there is a glaring lack of calm discussion.

So sad. A great opportunity for folk from differing locations, education levels, nationalities and socio-economic backgrounds to hear each other out. Instead, it turned into a forum of attack and attack. Very little defending and almost NO listening.

*sigh*

Ivy Girl

This post is copied from Sleepless Nights. Please read it, and sign the petition if you have a spare minute. I've been following Ivy's journey on her Mum's blog....

Ivy is beautiful and Ivy is sick. Ivy is only 2.

And yet, at age 2, Ivy has seen the inside of a hospital more times than anyone should have to. Ivy has a rare immune deficiency IgG. Because of that, she has Pemphigus which is an autoimmune response to the IgG [please note, these are photos of Ivy's pemphigus blisters and they may be a little graphic for some people].

These are horrible conditions that no adult should have to deal with, let alone a child.

Ivy is currently on Prednisone and Mycophenolate to help control her symptoms and blistering; however, these drugs suppress her immune system, on top of the deficiency.

Ivy’s mum says “…she was never good at mounting a response to infection but the meds make it worse.”

She frequently ends up in hospital on IV antibiotics, just to help control the infection in her ears that never seems to completely disappear. She cannot be exposed to a simple virus in fear that it will land her back in hospital for days at a time.

She can’t go to the playground to play.

She can’t attend playgroup.

She can’t head to the supermarket with her mother.

She might never be able to go to regular school.

She is only 2.

However, there is a treatment that would give Ivy a good chance at normal life.

It’s called IVIG (intravenous immunoglobulin) and it is a transfusion of immune cells that would bolster Ivy’s own immune system and help her fight infections in a normal way.

Think about it, a chance at a normal life. A life that doesn’t involve frequent hospitalisations.

Unfortunately, the officials at the Australian National Blood Authority have denied the request for Ivy to have this treatment. This treatment that could very well keep her out of hospital. So far, all appeals have been in vain.

As Ivy’s Mum says on her website:

“My little girl is going to have a life of hospital admissions and illness, some chronic, some life threatening, because some guy in an ivory tower decided she could survive without this medication.”

How is this fair?

What if it was your child? What if it was your sister’s child? Do the rules change for daughters of the officials? How come someone with a big stamp gets to say yes or no to this little girl’s chance at a normal life?

It shouldn’t be like this.

All I am asking for is 2 minutes of your time. If you could just head over here and sign our petition, we might be able to get enough support to convince the National Blood Authority officials to change their mind.

Ivy is only 2. She deserves a chance to be normal.

Please, a minute of your time could make all the difference for Ivy.

Sign Petition

If you have a blog and you would like to help spread the word, please feel free to copy this post and link back to Sleepless Nights [so that she can follow where it has gone].

And if you would like to follow Ivy’s story (and that of her twin brother and older siblings) you can find them here, at My Three Ring Circus, written by the talented Tiff. All photos were taken by Tiff as well.

Toto and Boo

Yes, after all of this time, I've decided to refer to my boys by their nicknames from infancy, instead of by simple initials. This is why:

F (Boo): "M-u-u-m, why do you call me F on your blog and yet call everyone else by their real names?"

Fe : "Because I don't want people to be able to find our blog by googling our names."

Boo : "You mean you don't want Dad to find it?"

Fe : "Not just Dad.... clients of mine, some of our friends."

Boo : "Well, I think it sucks. I want a name."

Fe : "Okay. What name do you want?"

Boo : "My nickname (*duh*)"

Fe : "Okay. Bunny Rabbit it is!"

Boo : "NOT THAT NICKNAME!!! The other nickname!"

So, there you have it.

And then we went to our local chinese restaurant to celebrate.

Boo

Toto and Boo and decorative ceiling vent (!)

*sigh*

50 years. Sheesh.

50 years ago today, my parents decided that, for better or for worse, they wanted to choose each other to journey through life with.

Crikey.

What an old-fashioned idea.

But, by God, they were true to their word.  And through 3 kids and different careers and all of the shite that life throws at us, they kept choosing each other.

Probably sometimes every single day.  (life and parenting being what it is)

And for that I am truly grateful.

So tonight...... they partied.  (photos to follow).

And they had hundreds of friends who genuinely wished them well and loved them dearly.  And three children who proudly told the room how lucky they felt to have been born to these two accepting folk.

And they ARE accepting folk. Of each other.  Of their children.  Of circumstance.

They're wise and wonderful and I am privileged to be able to call them Mum and Dad.   Truly.

Through all of lifes uncertainty, I have had the incredible luck of having a certain two for parents.  They don't judge (no..... truly...) and they try very hard not to assume.  They just "are".






I love you Mum and Dad.  And I thank you.  For everything.

I won! I won!!

And in an incredibly original and hysterical fashion!

Click here for details... and to visit "Our Name Is Blog".

Please note the stripper-dance routine.... too funny!!

I'm A Bag Lady!

This is what I've been doing......

Yep.... sewing stuff.  And, in typical Fe style, making lots of them.  The boys love them so much that I went and bought "boy fabric" and made them some too.

This is where I got the pattern for the Reversible Shoulder Bag (thanks Lula Louise)

(Oh..... if you're a friend with a birthday in the next twelve months.... forget you saw these.  Please.)

And here is photo of my wonderful Dutch (and Belgian) blogging friends.  Wikke bequeathed them to me when she returned to the Netherlands...... an act for which I am enormously grateful.  (ED: The bequeathing .... NOT the returning to the Netherlands!!  Of course!)

We had a wonderfully nurturing and fun couple of hours together this morning.  The best medicine for what ails me.

And then I got to watch my first born play an Old Chinese Man in his class play.  Quite odd seeing him with such prominent facial hair.  A glimpse into the future?

So..... my heart is full and my fingers are sore (they are so pin-pricked that it hurts to type).  Life is good.

Best and Worst anyone?

My best....... seeing H perform brilliantly in the school play.

My worst....... F ignoring me in the school grounds.

Bunny Rabbits and Sewing Machines on a Friday Night

Yeah, I know. It's sad. My life has gone from AROUND THE WORLD to tiny tiny tiny and don't think that I don't feel it.

DH is back from Bali. Need i say more? I wish that, after 10 years, I could avoid the "effect" from contact with him. But I can't. And it really has nothing to do with how I may have felt about him all those years ago...... and everything to do with how I feel about my boys and the impact that his behaviour towards me and them may have upon their future.

*sigh*

(and re the heading: there is a bunny rabbit chewing at my Parisienne shoes while I type this AND I just bought a sewing machine to replace my much loved 40 year old machine with which I clothed my children and myself for years and which has just broken. Again. *breathe* )

On an upside..... I wildly quoted an obscene fee for a "one-off around Australia" MC-ing job that should never have been offered to me...... and was GIVEN THE JOB!!!! That will be a week of WILD blogging from remote locations while I wildly flail in an attempt to entertain, inspire and amuse with MUCH better grammar than I've ever managed to display here. Hopefully.

On a downside..... my health is suffering from the stress that I'm under. I simply must find different coping mechanisms (self-imposed isolation and WordTwist just aren't cutting it) before I fall apart completely.

Damn depression.

Itchy and Scratchy...

We have finally rid ourselves of our most prominent souvenir from our time in Holland.

Nits.

Poor Wikke found a couple on her eldest while we were there, and so we routinely treated ALL the kids and thoroughly searched their heads and decided that only ONE little nit had found it's way onto H's head and that as we had treated him early, he would be fine.

Precautionarily (is that a real word?) I treated all of us again upon our return.  And then F found a couple of MOTHERSHIPS in his hair.  Luckily it was on a weekend, and so another (much more aggressive this time) treatment was endured (by me..... it's the washing of ALL sheets, towels etc and IRONING of the pillowcases that get me) and then we were declared clear again.

Yesterday was our third treatment.  NEN (No Evidence of Nits) and so (touch wood) I think we're home free.

It was our first experience with nits.  Can you tell?

This is what we did on the weekend....

You might recognise the beautiful Gabe from the infamous Madrid photos with Javier Bardem.  She's still just as gorgeous, inside and out.  And I'm betting she and Bruce hope that the beautiful Lily stays well away from exotic European locations and ruggedly attractive Spanish actors!  The beautiful Luke was SO enamoured with my big boys (and their toys) that he cried and cried when time came to leave.

*sigh*

And in celebration of the multitude of July / August birthdays in my family, we had a gathering and took some photos.

(missing: nephew Harry) (extra: brothers' m-i-l Elizabeth)

My first Meme....

because I've never been tagged for one and I can't sleep...

Eye Colour: Green
Hair Colour: Blonde
~Dyed or Natural: Streaked
~Curly or Straight: Oh so curly
Right or Left-handed: Right
Tan or Pale: Tan
Jeans or Khakis: Khakis
Country, Rap or Rock: Rock and Country (only if it's Dixie Chicks)
Heritage: Scottish
Shoes you're wearing today: Woollen slippers from Canada
Your weakness(es): Beer, spicy food, not always tidying my room, my children
Your perfect pizza: home made.... with anchovies
Favourite colour: Green
Favourite place: the Scottish Highlands / Paris / Sydney
Goal you'd most like to achieve: Raising happy children
Your most overused phrase(s): What's up, bunny rabbit?
Your thoughts on first waking up: Oh bugger. Can't I sleep longer?
Your best physical feature(s): Hair.... and maybe eyes....
Your bedtime: midnight
Your most missed memory: being in love
Pepsi or Coke: NEITHER (Wikke drinks enough for me too)
McDonalds or Burger King: Is this a trick question? So NEITHER (again)
Single or group dates: Eeew.  Neither.  Again.  (ick).  Except maybe as described below...
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither. Hot tea in a cup. Twinings Irish Breakfast Tea as you're asking. Stat.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Espresso or Skim Flat White please. Stat.

DO YOU:
Smoke: No, but I still miss it sometimes.
Cuss: What kind of a stupid ****ing question is that? 

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Yes, lots. Oh, no.... not that type.
Take a shower: Duh.... yeah (sniff....) YEAH!

Have a crush(es): Nope. Unless my kids count.
Think you've been in love: Yes
Want to get married: Been there, done that, kept the pressies, don't need to do it again.
Believe in yourself: YES
Believe in God: No
Believe in your government: In a finger-crossing born-optimist kind of way, yes.
Get motion sickness: Only when men are driving (and before feelings get hurt here.... not ALL men.  Just most.  You know who you are.)
Think you're attractive: Yep. Thank God.
Think you're a health freak: Nope. Thank God.  But I have been known to go overboard with exercise. 
Get along with your parents: Yes. Live with them even. (that's a whole 'nother blog right there!)
Like thunderstorms: Yes. But only in the last 5 years or so.

IN THE PAST MONTH, HAVE YOU:

Drunk alcohol: God Yes. (you're asking me like it's a BAD thing...)
Gone on a date: God No.
Gone to the Mall: God help me Yes (F's birthday shopping)
Been on stage: No (and I'm missing it!)
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: (this is SO American!) No. But I've eaten an entire bag of pistachio nuts!!
Eaten sushi: No (because it's the middle of winter here and I need warm food)
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: No
Gone skinny dipping: Ummm... see above comment re: winter
Stolen anything: Yes. Well, no actually, but I figure the more interesting people will have answered yes to this one.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Played a game that required removal of clothing: Oh yes.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Oh yes
Been caught "doing something": Yes. Recently.
Been called a tease: Never. Not to my face, anyway.
Gotten beaten up: Yes.
Age you hope to be married: 300, 400 around then..
Number of children you'd like: You mean I'm meant to LIKE them?
Describe your dream wedding: Deeply sleeping. No dreams here. Not wedding ones, anyway.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Happy. And Loud. And extremely embarrassing.

WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: (this should be interesting!)

Best eye colour: Eyes would be good
Best hair colour: Hair? Oh yeah. Grey.
Short or Long hair: Hair? At my age shouldn't this read.... "Bald or with hair:"??
Height: The shorter the better. Makes me feel like a movie star on the arm of a rich producer (which ties in with the bald obsession too)
Best first date location: Bed
Best first kiss location: Paris. In bed. Ummm.... maybe I should re-think these answers.

IN THE NUMBERS:
Number of people I could trust with my life: 11

Number of CD's: No idea, but number of tracks in my iTunes library is 9000+
Number of piercings: 4
Number of tattoos: None (sorry Joey..... I'm still a chicken)
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A few times. My big claim to fame was being in the SMH's "Two Of Us" in the Good Weekend. In 2002. July. Good luck finding THAT one!!
Number of scars on my body: Loads. None as big as the scars on my heart.

Oh..... if you're reading this and you have a blog..... consider yourself tagged.

(thanks to Pea Soup for this one)

A wonderful visit...

We were honoured with a visit from Lara, Mark and Inigo last night.  

Inigo's just a bit keen on the big boys who live at my place...

but the icing on the cake was our in-built baby-magnet grandmother. 

Next time he may not let them take him home.

Busted...

I don't know that I'd recommend this to all parents.

This afternoon I decided to sneak up on my kids to make sure that they were doing homework (as they said they were)..

This one was doing EXACTLY as he was supposed (researching a project about the RAAF during the Iraq War).....
.... and this one was breaking the most golden of GOLDEN rules in our house.  That's right.  "No electronic games or tv during the school week".  

He SO doesn't look guilty enough.

A great birthday....

It was a really simple birthday..... loads of books and one PSP game for F and a big box of choccies for my Mum.  

I did go ALL OUT on the decorating though.  10 pre-printed "Happy Birthday" balloons spaced out along the hallway.  No wonder H accused me of making more effort for F's birthday than I ever do for his.


My plan was to spend hours baking a cake (it takes a long time to open the box and add the cup of oil and one egg), but our wonderful WONDERFUL cleaning lady brought this extravagent sugar-hit with her when she came to work today!  Honestly.... it would have cost her far more than we pay her!  

Oh, and no word from DH.  I guess it's too difficult to make sure you're near a phone when your youngest child hits double digits.

Where The Hell Is Matt?

This brought tears to my eyes. Don't know why. The simplicity. The joy. The great idea that I wish I'd had....



(Thanks J, for passing this on)

... and then there were three...

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY TO MY SON F!!! 

HAPPY 75TH BIRTHDAY TO MY MUM!!!

10 years ago....

On this day 10 years ago, H and I spent our last few hours together as a "two-some".

The Good, the Bad, and the Very Funny.....

My boys and I had a wonderful weekend together.  A couple of play-dates (for all of us) and just enough down-time to feel relaxed.

Well, for THEM to feel relaxed.

DH emailed the boys from Bali this morning.  And told H to "remember to register for Cricket.  Let me know when you've done it.".  Huh?  He's 11!  A quick internet search showed me that all local cricket clubs require the completed registration forms (with substantial payment) to be received by mail tomorrow at the latest.  DH has always been responsible for weekend sport, and I'm pretty pissed off that he's done this so intentionally.  This is incredibly disappointing to H.

I have, of course, sent off emails requesting extension time for our application, and am resigned to having to pay for it.  Grrrr.

Oh, before that, he sent me an email dictating all of the things wrong with me, and notifying me of his intention to apply to the Courts for equal parenting and sole responsibility for our children, because I am so obviously an unfit mother.  This, he says, is evidenced by H's anxiety.  Apparently I've been abusing him (DH) for the past 10 years (by asking him to pay his Child Support) and this last thing (me being so obviously pissed off by him leaving the country and therefore not being able to take the boys for his agreed contact) has convinced him that I am a completely irrational and dangerous human being.  You should SEE the rant that he wrote.

It would be funny if it didn't effect the children so much.  Because, of course, if I display any frustration or upset in front of them I'm obviously an unfit mother.  So yeah, they know that stuff is going on.  They're too old to not pick up on every emotion of mine.  

So.... here's some FUN emotionally healing stuff!  The first one is a photo of Javier Bardem literally biting my .... ummmm .... booby about 18 years ago in Madrid.  He and his brother Carlos were great friends of mine for a couple of years.  They used my London flat as their base when in the UK, and had my friend Gabe and me to stay with them in Madrid a couple of times.

Who knew he'd end up being an Academy Award Winning Actor???  

Too funny!  Do you think Penelope Cruz would be jealous?

This is what he looks like now. 

Yum.  Should have grabbed him when I had the chance.

Well, now it's official...

The Australian Child Support Agency has admitted that it has completely fu*ked up my case.  

And the Complaint Procedure has begun. 

This is all encompassing, exhausting stuff.  But I'm going to do it.

Potential return to insanity...

I don't know why that last post appeared twice.  I can't seem to delete one without deleting both (and comments) so we'll just have to live with it.

After hours and frustrating hours on the phone to the Australian Child Support Agency today.... fulfilling my legal obligation to inform them whenever DH leaves the country..... I have been given a thread of hope.  A tiny, dangly, sparkly little thread of hope.  The first one I've had since I opted in with the Agency 4 years ago.

Somebody there admitted that they'd f*cked up.  Well, the term they used was "mutual responsibility" but he and I knew exactly what he wished he could have said.

Oh wait.  He just rang back.  He's finding ways to make this impossible again.  He's still admitting co-responsibility for the fact that my case has been mis-handled, but he's taken away my hope for restoration of justice within the hallowed walls of that particular governmental department.

Dang.  It was bright in here for just a moment.

It was 10 years ago yesterday since DH and I had our day in Family Court.  TEN YEARS of him ignoring the orders, and of me trying to get them enforced.  TEN YEARS of him having unrestricted access to the kids while openly telling me that he is ignoring the court orders.  TEN YEARS of verbal abuse and criticism.

I feel that something inside me has snapped.  This kind of injustice can send people crazy.  I'm sure it was a HUGE impetus for my 3 month stay in a Post-Natal Depression ward of a psychiatric hospital 8 weeks after the birth of our second child.  And I'm determined not to let it get me there again.  Determined.  

The really really AWFUL side of being home...

DH (my ex husband.... for all newbies to my blog, it does NOT stand for Dear or Husband). (click here for more details)

Six lovely long wonderful weeks without his corrosive, cruel and disruptive influence on my little family.

He telephoned from the airport this morning. To let me know that he will be out of the country for 3 weeks.

The boys mentioned on Monday that he was going to Bali, and because it affects when the children stay with him (obviously) I rang him and left two telephone messages asking him if this was true, and if so, when would he be away. I even explained that I needed to know in order to organise things for the kids on the weekends. But no... in true form he did not return my phone calls. 

And this morning when he rang, I asked him why it took him 2 days to return my call and he laughed. "Because I didn't want to have this conversation with you". And I hung up.  So, rightly or wrongly, when he rang back and asked to speak to his kids, I said "If you want to speak to them, you have to have this conversation with me first".  And he hung up.

While I was away there was quite a lot of stuff in the media about the Child Support Agency stopping parents who owe lots of money at the airport on their way out of the country. DH owes me at least $200,000.00 in unpaid child support over the last 10 years (according to Family Court Orders that we have).  And he has recently inherited a considerable amount of money from his fathers' estate.  Think there's a connection?

And because there are never any consequences to his actions, he just continues to behave like this to me.  He's done this before.  In fact, he has left the country without even calling me from the airport and without letting me know that he wouldn't be picking the kids up from school.  Twice.

10 years of not paying Child Support and getting away with it (although, ironically, he has started to pay a small amount regularly since we've been away).  10 years of just not turning up to collect his kids (without letting me know) and getting away with it.

I have followed every avenue of legal and governmental redress open to me.  Apparently, the fact that he hides his income means that he wins.  All of the time.  He owes the Australian Taxation Department a lot of money as well (and even more if they knew his REAL income), and unless I can afford Forensic Accountants (I can't) I have to wait for them to decide to focus on his case.

And if I make his seeing the kids difficult, I would be in the wrong.  The impotence that I feel is so incredibly debilitating.

Down to earth with a bang....

I've spent the last 3 days in earth-shattering agony. At first I thought it was a migraine headache..... which kind of made sense after 6 weeks of being on the go ...... but when I heard a POP and felt SEARING pain through my head, I started to think "brain tumour".

Luckily I have the best GP in the world, who, no matter what time of day or night, will talk to me on the telephone. He instantly diagnosed an infected sinus and sent me into a hot shower for 20 minutes ("What about water restrictions?" said I) and onto strong anti-biotics and pain killers.

And, oh thank you God, I am beginning to feel better.

Alone

It is a tiny thing.  Really.  And it does NOT take away from the joy and pleasure and feeling that I would not change one single minute of the last 7 weeks.  But I am relishing these first few hours of being alone.

The boys have gone to their Dad.  It's the first time that we have been apart since June 1st.  There were lots of tears this morning when they left for their first day back to school..... knowing that they would not be coming home until Sunday night.  They've been home with me for the last two days (since we returned) and I think I was partly resisting having to let them go.

They have been incredible.  For all the times they drive me up the wall and send me to eyeball-rolling parenting hell in our "real" lives .... they have been the most incredibly mature, brave, trusting, wonderful, adventurous and fun travelling companions that anyone could ask for.  I am so lucky.  And so grateful.  And so proud.

And right now, to ease the pain of missing them, I'm watching the Dixie Chicks DVD "Shut Up And Sing", drinking my daily dose of vegetables (V8) with my hair soaked in conditioner and my pj's on.  And I'm slowly getting used to having alone time again.

Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice