Letter to DH...

It really pisses me off that you still believe that my stopping your overnight visits was because I was angry with you. I was, and am, angry with you. You keep me in that constant state with your unreliability and your dishonesty. I am, however, more concerned with what is best for the boys than I am concerned with how to piss you off. And it amazes me that you can't see that.

Any action that I've ever taken with regards to access has been to do with the boys. NOT with you. And it's been in response to behavior by you which has eroded their trust. Especially knowing that Toto has a diagnosed anxiety disorder.

Because I put their needs way above my own, I have always encouraged them to have a good relationship with you. They are boys. They will need that.

Every time they see you, I ask them if they would like to stay overnight. I tell them that you love them and that you would love to have them for more than just day visits. They have been adamant that they don't want that. They both say that they are scared at your house and hate where you live. And that they are scared of you and your anger. This came to a head after the incident which involved you leaving them in the back lane and telling them that if they went home with me, then they may as well not come back. Even when that happened, I soothed them by telling them that you love them very much, that you didn't really mean it, and that you would feel awful later for having said that.

Tonight, when I asked them if they thought that they would like to stay overnight with you, they said that perhaps on the Saturday of their weekend with you. They are happy to go to yours on the Saturday morning and not come home until the Sunday evening.

So. I'm letting you know this.

This is what I meant by taking it slowly and by not harassing them about it. Instead you have decided to harass me.

You have begun proceedings to begin Family Court mediation in order to take me to Court to try and change our custody agreement. This is not in the best interests of the children, if only because it shows that you think that their wants and needs should be ignored in order for you to get what you want. This makes me incredibly sad, although not surprised.

I guess I'll see you in court, because mediation requires that two parties agree on something. I have the boys' best interests at heart. You have your own. I can't see that we will agree on anything.

By the way, the family psychologist that I took them to after the afore-mentioned incident in the back lane, was not in order to give parenting advice, but in order to give the boys a safe place to talk about their feelings. It would defeat the entire purpose if you tried to involve yourself in that. I didn't.