And........ *bang*...

Dear DH,

Thank you for your email telling me that you are going to proceed with legal action against me.

Upon first reading of your email, it would appear that the only monies you owe to me are for Spousal Maintenance. This is incorrect. You have unpaid Child Support owing as well.

I am going to address each issue that you have presented to me.

DH: “As you are aware I had recently begun taking the steps towards achieving a parenting plan for "Toto" and "Boo" through the mediation process. You are also aware that our case does not fit the criteria so I have received the relevant certificate and have passed it on to my solicitor with a view to begin proceedings in family court to return my overnight contact with the boys back to the previous arrangements. I am also making application to share residency from start of first term next year.”

Our case was deemed not to fit the Family Mediation Centres’ criteria for mediation because of the nature of the entire situation. As you are aware, our Case Officer was so shocked by some of the things that you have done to the boys that he thought it necessary to involve the Department of Community Services. The Case Officer was also aware of the fact that you have ignored Family Court Orders (still current) since 6 August 1998, and therefore made an assessment of your inability to comply with agreements.

I am not going to list all of the reasons why the boys refuse to spend school nights at your house. I will, however, state again that they are completely unwilling to do so. I have asked them frequently about it, and they have not changed their minds.

After receiving todays’ email, I asked them if they would be willing to resume school day overnights (you have them for 2 overnights every fortnight, one evening during the week, and had them for 7 nights during the last school holidays) and they said no. I told them that you were now asking for shared parenting from the beginning of next year, and asked them if they would like to spend every second week at your house. They became very upset and said no. I explained that if I was to go to court to prevent that from happening, they would have to tell that to lawyers, a registrar, and you. They said that they were willing to do that.

"Toto" became particularly upset at the idea of having to tell you that he did not want to stay at your house. He said that when you picked them up you were either very angry or very happy and that you scare him. As you well know, "Toto" suffers from clinically diagnosed anxiety, and this is not a good situation for him.

DH: “While you have said that you view my actions as aggressive I can assure you that could not be further from the case. The boys are now of an age where my role as a father cannot take a back seat.”

Your role as a father is based solely upon doing it only when it suits you, and not about being a truly nurturing parent to our sons. You have displayed your unwillingness to consider the boys’ feelings, and my situation, by leaving the country without forewarning on at least 3 occasions. You have left them alone at your house while you worked on many occasions. You have refused to have an x-ray of "Boo"’s arm when he was complaining to you of pain (a later x-ray organised by me showed a fracture). You have pulled their hair, pulled their ears, flicked their faces, left them in a back alley in Darlinghurst by themselves at night and these are only the examples that spring to mind instantly.

I have never denied you a role as father to our sons. When they were babies, you refused to take them. I went to great lengths to provide you with car seats, portable cots, high chairs, nappies and clothing in order to facilitate your continued involvement in their lives. I have never denied you access to the boys, despite your years of lying and verbal and financial abuse. I have, however, denied overnight visits at times because the boys refused to stay with you. During those times however, I have never denied you daytime access.

DH: “While our current arrangements and constant disagreements over the spousal maintenance orders seem to influence my access to these boys I have no option but to seek the courts advice on this.”

We have no constant disagreements over the spousal maintenance. You have refused to discuss it with me, and I have not been able to do anything about it. As it is a considerable amount of money, I have rightly asked you about it over the last 10 years. I have also asked you to pay your Child Support. You have lied to me about it for years and you continue to lie to me, and to the Child Support Agency. You are currently on an income assessment of $0.

These discussions, as stated above, have NEVER affected your access to the boys. Your own behavior towards them has done that.

DH: “I will also be seeking to discharge the spousal maintenance orders and arrears owed to the CSA.”

And why do you think that this is fair? You left me 2 months pregnant with our younger son when our older son was a 9 month old baby. I had no way of supporting myself, or them, and you took me to court and signed a court order stating that you would pay spousal maintenance and child support. You have paid no spousal maintenance, and you have paid minimal and inconsistent and unbelievably small amounts of child support over the past 10 years. I have lived on the assets that I had at the time of our marriage. They are all gone now, and my parents support us.

I do not understand how you can leave your wife in such a situation and expect to simply not support her, or your children, at all. To not support her while she is giving birth to your children and raising them on her own in very difficult circumstances. I can only hope that a Family Court Registrar shares my disbelief at your attempt to get away with this.

DH: “It is a shame that we could not resolve this any other way.”

You have never tried to resolve this in any way. You have never approached me with a financial offer. You have never replied to my emails explaining WHY the boys would not stay overnight at your place. You have simply never tried to resolve this. At all.

DH: “My solicitor will forward a letter to you this week some time.”

I’m glad that you can afford a solicitor. It is interesting to me that you will not pay me any of the child support or spousal maintenance debt, and yet you are willing to spend what will probably amount to tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees in order to expel that debt.

DH: “I hope you understand that with no other way to resolve our differences I am left with no other choice but to proceed this way.”

No I don’t. That sentence is simply untrue. You could put the boys’ interests before your own and allow them time to feel safe with you again. And I don’t understand how a man can call himself a father and not think that that includes a financial responsibility. You can afford long and extravagant and frequent overseas holidays, and yet you don’t pay your child support or spousal maintenance obligations.

DH: “My wish is to resolve things as fairly as possible.”

Fairly? Which part of this is fair to me or to the boys?

DH: “I would also hope that during these proceedings that our currant arrangements are not affected, in fact I hope that the previous overnight stays resume as soon as possible.”

I have asked the boys if they are willing to change the current situation and they have said no. Their needs come before yours and mine.

Sincerely yours