It seem that her treatment is making her feel worse before she begins feeling better. And it is just SO difficult to to keep convincing her of the reasons she has to keep alive until it begins to work.
She has an idea that if she "disappears", her husband and I can live together and raise all 4 kids happily. With two happy parents.
It makes so much sense to her. She has planned her way out. But she's lied to the doctors about it.
And so today I had to "dob" her in. I went to the doctor and told him that she has a plan, and that I am convinced that she is in immediate danger. He was unwilling to believe me, as she had convincingly told him that although she thinks about dying, she has no plan.
Doesn't that make things even more dire?
Finally, FINALLY, he believed me, and she is on "suicide watch" while they wait for an available bed in the ICU.
And I'm exhausted. Totally, utterly exhausted.
And she's angry with me. She only told me because she trusted me, and I've betrayed that trust. I know, however, that she will thank me when she is well again.
And I KNOW that she will be well again. Please God soon.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
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13 comments:
Oh Fe, you are being a very brave and true friend but wow, this must be tough.
Hey, I usually lurk but just thought I would offer my support. You did the best thing. The hardest, but the best. You are the truest of friends even if she can't see it right now.
Thanks Sarah. It IS tough. It's worth it (could anything be MORE worth it?) but MAN it's tough.
Hi Ali! Thanks for coming out of the lurkers-closet. And thanks for your lovely words. I really appreciate them.
Geee...that sounds so hard to do, having to go against your friends wishes for her own good. You did the right thing and she'll know, hopefully soon.
If this is betrayal, please betray me when I need it. I trust you.
Like Lara says. Man. You must be all like a washing machine inside. You know, one on the spin cycle, or in the middle of a 'heavy cycle'.
oh hon - such difficult times - but clearly the right decision - you are an amazing friend - le xox
Oh Fe, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. You are absolutely doing the right thing, but god, it must awful. Stay strong, hon, and know that while you're there for her, we're all here for you.
what a hard thing to do but you did it from your heart. You are such a good friend to her. She will understand.....later. x jel
If love and support from friends is the best way out of this for your friend, she's in good hands.
I hope she sticks around to appreciate you.
You did the right thing! Hopefully someday very soon she is well enough to thank you for it, and see what a good friend you are.
One day she will thank you. From the bottom of her heart.
It is horrendous for you, but hang in there... we're all thinking of you.
X Eveline
Thank you SO much everyone. Seriously.
She rang me again this morning..... not angry at all.... too busy being sad and overwhelmed again.
*sigh* I think I prefer anger.
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