A mix up...

They had NOT put her on suicide watch (which is called Category 5 and which involves removing dangerous items and checking on her every 15 minutes). They had decided that she simply wasn't allowed outside (Category 4) although nothing was physically stopping her from walking out of the building.

She telephoned me early this morning begging me to bring in enough sleeping pills to help her end her life. I went straight over (withOUT the pills, need I say) and discovered that she was completely vulnerable and totally unsafe. She told me that she had told the nurses that she was completely suicidal but that they were not taking her seriously.

So.... feeling a bit like Shirley MacLaine in "Terms of Endearment", I insisted upon seeing the doctor again.

Jesus Joseph and Mary. What about the poor people who don't have their own advocates? It is amazing to me that this can happen in that environment.

I spelled it out for him. I told him of our phone conversations. I told him about her request for the pills. I told him that she has AT LEAST three other methods worked out. He came and sat with her and asked her about how she was feeling. I sat in, and I'm sure it's only because she knew that she couldn't lie about it in front of me that she was honest with him.

And so she is now on Category 5. Which means that a nurse should talk to her every 15 minutes unless she is asleep. And for the next 2 hours, no nurse came to check on her.

Once more I channeled Shirley MacLaine and went to the Nurses Station. I was F U R I O U S. The head nurse blamed the "youth" of the other nurses. *&%&*

It's so unfair. I shouldn't have to feel as though she is unsafe when I am not there. She's in a bloody private psychiatric hospital for gods' sake!

Knowing that I was nearing my limit..... running out of reassuring words and faustian bargaining tools...... close to falling into a mess of tears.... I left when another friend arrived.

And now I'm trying to work. I've got a big gig next week, and I have a lot of preparation that I need to do for it. But it's hard to focus on the trivial when the non-trivial is still resounding in my ears.

I guess I have to apply the words that I say to her to myself also. "Not long now" "I KNOW you will recover from this" "You CAN do this" etc.