Project SPOS (thank you Dina!)

Firstly, thank you SO much everyone who has commented on my last few posts. It's all very "full on" in my house/life/head at the moment... and every single word of encouragement and amazement is helping me keep up my spirit.

I'm sorry that I'm not good at commenting on anyone else's blogs right now. I'm just unable to formulate words. Truly. (I'm only able to do it now because I'm on my second glass of white wine).

She has basically completely disappeared. She is now completely overcome with the depression monster and is basically unrecognisable. It is ALL about how she is going to die, and begging me to help her, and furiously telling me that I'm not her friend if I don't. She BEGS me to stay with her as I'm the "only person who truly understands", but I'm sure that I'm the only person who she thinks understands enough to actually help her end it all.

All of the logical responses aren't working, and so I just hold her hand, hug her, tell her that it is the depression talking, tell her that I know that "she" would want me to be doing exactly what I'm doing and it's the "illness" that is furious with me.

As I was leaving today, the head nurse asked to speak to me. She told me that she has seen me become progressively more exhausted and harrassed looking. She told me that she had never seen a friend show so much devotion in this situation, but that if I don't cut back, she thinks that I will probably end up there as a patient myself. She told me that I needed to stop taking responsibility for "her" recovery, and to focus on looking after my own well-being.

Wow.

Sometimes it takes a third person.

I cried.

And then came home to a letter from DH's solicitor.

And spent 5 hours writing a reply, as I am going to be representing myself (unless any of you know of a pro-bono family law solicitor?)

My dear friend J was here, helping me get organised for the big job next week. (I am SO disorganised... and she is a god-send to me). She has years and years of experience writing legal documents and was incredibly helpful today. I basically wrote the bones and she turned it into a legitimate response.

And then I got everything ready for next weeks' job. I'll be in Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane and then Adelaide. Working, flying, dining with the client and sleeping (hopefully NOT with the client!). J helped me organise clothes and checked my preparedness. Thank you J.

The boys came home briefly to collect some stuff for the weekend at DH's. Toto was a mess. Crying and SO low. He just didn't want to go. I won't see them for a week now and he just can't stand it. Poor thing. I feel the same way. Boo just rolls with the punches, although demanded a hundred kisses upon goodbye.

So..... Project SPOS (Selfish Piece of Sh*t) begins. I am so grateful to Dina from The Girl Who Wished She Was Australian for that wonderful anacronism.

And I think I deserve a third glass of wine.

*clink*