At many times during her many surgeries and long recovery, the doctors did not expect her to survive. But she did. And she says that she did because she simply wanted to get home to her children.
She was engaged to the father of her second baby when all of this happened, and he married her while she was still in the hospital. They were both on the show.
As was Jenny McCarthy.. an American actress and mother of an autistic boy who has recently partnered with Jim Carrey. The show was very focussed on the amazing support of these men and the devotion and understanding that they showed to their partners under very difficult circumstances.
I cried and cried.
And I thought of myself and of Guera and of all of us who have been physically and/or emotionally abandoned by our life-partners and who struggle with parenting and self-esteem as a result.
I know it’s heavily edited television-land stuff. But the premise was real. There ARE wonderful people out there who will love and support unconditionally. And, if we want one, there will be one there for us. It just seems so unfair that we didn’t choose one of those the first time around.
I’m so sure that I don’t want to take the risk of partnering up again. I really am. But this show got to the deeper part of me that DOES miss being loved unconditionally by an adult male. And who is deeply deeply sad at having been abandoned by one that she deeply deeply loved.
That’s it. No more Oprah for me.
In all honesty, I think my emotion has come from having to sit with DH at Toto’s school “do” the other night. I don’t often see him, and right now I’m so effing angry with him because of all this legal stuff that I’m highly emotional about it. I think he looks like an ape and I have no desire for him, but I get incredibly sad about the fact that this man is the father of my children and ten years after walking out on us he still treats me so awfully. The “how could he do this to me?” stuff re-emerges. Closely entwined with the “how could I have chosen that man to be the father of my children?” stuff.
I guess the feeling of betrayal never really goes away.
DH and me on a camel safari in India in 1993
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11 comments:
Oh Fe. Don't completely close yourself off to the possibility. I'm glad I didn't.
Sheesh - check out the body language in those shots! Except for the fact that you have two perfect children, I wish I'd been around to encourage you to run a mile from that man!
And I hope that one day you find the love and support you need, from a special person, or from the universe :)
Thanks Ali. I guess one day maybe. But my boys have been through two serious relationships with me (since their Dad) and I don't want to put them through another one.
Thanks Lara. The body language was more about trying to control the camel! We really did have a wonderful relationship for many years. BC that is (Before Children).
xxx
I agree that it really is hard to be physically or emotionally abandoned by someone.
It's hard to be with someone when you feel they're not truly dedicated to you--that you and the children are on the bottom of their priorities.
Sometimes I wonder if there are men out there who are different. Or is that just a pipe dream? Maybe it's just an illusion. Maybe these men we read/hear about are just in a temporary state. Maybe they're dedicated for now, but soon we'll hear that they ran away. Or maybe they act like they're there. They play the part of the dedicated husband/father...but they have the girlfriend on the side.
I'd like to believe there are these wonderful relationships out there. I want to have hope. I want to have faith. It's hard sometimes though. Sometimes, it's easier to believe in the Tooth Fairy.
Oh Dina. That sounds like the voice of experience. I didn't know. ((((((HUGS)))))) xx
Fe,
Thanks. We have our good times and bad times. Things started to seem better for awhile but now....
Sometimes, I think my expectations are too high or something. And then sometimes I feel like I tolerate too much. I really don't know.
I'm not abused. Sometimes, I feel that's all a woman can hope for.
Dina... you're as cynical as I am. And I'm sorry for that.
Your last two sentences are just too sad. You deserve SO much more than that. And I hope, pray, everything, that your situation turns around for good. And is good.
((((((( Dina ))))))) xx
I find this very painful to read. I know how much you can love and I also know how easy it is to love you. DH has taken your trust in love and that's a sad thing. Please don't close the door to love completely. Leave it a little ajar.
Missing you
XXX
(Heavy sigh!) It is hard to live with betrayal and we often (not all of us but many) turn it around on ourselves.... Why didn't I see it? How could I have done things differently? How could I have trusted this person with my heart, mind, body and spirit???? I am as guilty as the next 'idiot' to shutting down, turning off, loosing hope - often masked "as I don't need anyone else", "I can take care of myself "- all to protect, all to survive. I now find myself gradually coming out the other side of being my own protector, my own whipping boy and while trusting 'boots and all' is a challenging and trusting yourself is just as tricky, I think there are always possibilities and I think the universe takes care of good hearted, caring, supportive and generous people - some how, some day, somewhere (thx Westside Story) - J xox
Firstly - yep, I can't handle Oprah either!!
Secondly - I completely understand. I'm sure I will struggle with trust and betrayal issues for some time and I feel like no matter which way I spin it in my head it's bad. Either I should have seen it coming, should have known he was that sort of person (in which case I feel like a fool for not seeing), or it was completely out of character and no-one could have picked that he would do that (in which case there's no way to know if any man who seems wonderful will do that to me again).
It's still way too soon for me to even contemplate another relationship, but I can't imagine how I would handle it when the time comes. Right now I feel like I need to get to a place where I am happy on my own and don't need a partner, so that if one comes along, that's a bonus.
Don't ever give up on love, Fe. You have way too much to give. I can understand not wanting to involve the boys again after what happened with John (still will never, ever "get" that one!). In hopes of givng hope, I will tell you all a wonderful true story.
A man who works at Sea World lost his wife to breast cancer. He did not leave her either physically or emotionally and was supportive thoughout. He became an advocate for a cure and we did a walk together soon after my treatment had ended. He is now engaged to a woman at work who is a breast cancer survivor. She was devastated when she lost her breasts and even with reconstruction felt she would never attract a man again. Now here they are, in love and planning a life together. So keep looking. Ther may only be a few out there, but good men do exist.
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